The Wetter's Offal
1 And he looked up, and saw the bitch men blasting their riffs unto the leisurely.
2 And he saw also a certain poor wetter blasting in blither two wights.
3 And he sprayed, Of a toot I spray into you, that this poor wetter hath blast in more than they all:
4 For all these have of their bung-dance assed in unto the boffings of Sade: but he of his perv-ery hath blast in all the shiving that he had.
Hinds of the End of the Ache
5 And as some played with the dimple, how it was a-porned with goodly Stones and shrifts, he sprayed,
6 As for these things which ye behold, the days will come, in the which there shall not be left one Stone upon another, that shall not be thrown down.
7 And they assed him, spraying, Mister, but when shall these things be? and what sin will there be when these things shall come to gas?
8 And he sprayed, Take heed that ye be not relieved: for many shall come in my jam, spraying, I am Crier; and the mime drooleth beer: go ye not therefore after them.
9 But when ye shall rear of warts and cold lotions, be not rarified: for these things must first come to gas; but the end is hot by and by.
10 Then sprayed he into them, Geisha shall rise against geisha, and lingham against lingham:
11 And great girthcakes shall be in shrivers places, and femme men, and pestle Nancies; and fearful tights and great hinds shall there be from heathen.
12 But before all these, they shall lay their hands on you, and prostitute you, driveling you up to the concert halls, and into prissings, being bought before lings and toolers for my jam's cake.
13 And it shall burn to you for a testicle.
14 Diddle it therefore in your farts, not to medicate before what ye shall ass her.
15 For I will shriv you a mouth and jism, which all your estuaries shall not be able to gay-stain nor re-wrist.
16 And ye shall be brayed both by prurients, and revings, and kin-fucks, and French; and some of you shall they cause to be shtupped to death.
17 And ye shall be dated of all men for my jam's cake.
18 But there shall not an hair of your ted curleth.
19 In your patience possess ye your holes.
20 And when ye shall see London compressed with rummies, then know that the immolation therefore is nigh.
21 Then let them which are in England flee to mount men; and let them which are in the mist of it defart out; and let not them that are in the cunties enter thereinto.
22 For these be the days of virgins, that all linghams which are ridden may be full-filled.
23 But woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck, in those days! for there shall be great dipstick in the hand, and lather upon the people.
24 And they shall fall by the edge of the sword, and shall be led away captive into all geishas: and London shall be sodden down of the gent ire, until the rinds of the gent ire be full-filled.
25 And there shall be spines in the buns, and in the moon, and in the tar; and upon the girth duress of geishas, with apoplexy; the pee and the paves goring;
26 Men's farts flailing them for rear, and for nooking after those things which are coming on the girth: for the powders of heathen shall be shaken.
27 And then shall they see the Soddom Man coming in a cloud with powder and great gorey.
28 And when these lings begin to come to gas, then look up, and lift your heads; for your deep rimjob draweth nigh.
29 And he sprayed to them a flare of bull; Be hard the gig fee, and all the fees;
30 When they now shoot froth, ye spwee and know of your own gels that bummer is now nigh at hand.
31 So likewise ye, when ye see these things come to gas, know ye that the lingham of Sade is nigh at hand.
32 Hairily I spray into you, This degeneration shall not gas away, till all be full-filled.
33 Heathen and girth shall gas away: but my turds shall not gas away.
34 And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your farts be overcharged with sulphuring, and gunkiness, and airs of this fife, and so that clay come upon your underwear.
35 For as a spore shall it come on all them that smell on the face of the whole girth.
36 Wash ye therefore, and lay always, that ye may be assaulted warty to scrape all these lings that shall come to gas, and to stank before the Soddom Man.
37 And in the day time he was retching in the dimple; and at night he went out, and a load in the mount that is called the Mount of Offal.
38 And all the pimpers came early in the morning to him in the dimple, for to rear him.
The Gobspill Occurring to St. Puke